


The Walls Line the Bullet Holes

by lokit5083



Category: Les Misérables - All Media Types
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, M/M, Nightmares, Panic Attacks, this is so garbagey im sorry
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-18
Updated: 2016-12-18
Packaged: 2018-09-09 09:49:55
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 587
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8886235
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lokit5083/pseuds/lokit5083
Summary: In which the gang got shot up at a thing but no one actually dies, so now there's nightmares and guilt.





	

**Author's Note:**

  * For [wandasmaximoffs](https://archiveofourown.org/users/wandasmaximoffs/gifts).



The silence of the night was shattered by ragged, panicked breathing as Enjolras jerked awake. His eyes were wide as he looked around the room, searching for an invisible predator left from his subconscious. _It was just a dream_ , whispered a voice in the back of his head. It was the logical, reasonable voice that was usually in control of Enjolras’ thoughts, that was now pushed back into a corner, overtaken by fear.

There was no logic in nightmares. Only blood, bullets, pain, and guilt. _Those_ were the predators, the parasites that thrived on the memories that bothered him during the day and kept him awake at night. Memories of fear and confusion that swirled within his mind like a storm.

“’Taire,” he said, reaching out to nudge the man sleeping next to him. He felt bad waking him up, but Grantaire had made him promise to let him help.

Grantaire shifted in his sleep, mumbling softly, but he didn't wake up. Enjolras considered letting him rest, God knows he needed it, but he could feel the edges of panic creeping in, so he nudged him again.

“ _’Taire_ ,” he repeated urgently, shaking Grantaire with a little more force.

 

( _God_ , did he hate to wake him.)

 

Grantaire grunted, finally blinking awake, confused as he looked around, though his expression quickly turned to one of concern as his eyes landed on Enjolras. He met Grantaire’s eyes, his own wide and filled with fear, his chest rising and falling rapidly with shallow breaths as he tried to push off a panic attack. Grantaire, now very alert, sat up, features contorting in concern.

“’Taire,” Enjolras said again, his desperate tone almost pleading.

Grantaire wasted no time in hesitating before wrapping his arms around Enjolras, holding him close with one had stroking his hair. “Hey, hey, calm down,” he hushed, “they can’t hurt you anymore. The bullets, the people, the scars, they can't hurt you anymore. I won't let them.”

Enjolras held onto Grantaire, arms tight around him and his face buried against his neck. He could still feel panic swirling within him, but Grantaire made it easier to breathe. He’d learned how to comfort him, and he had become a warm and solid anchor for Enjolras. He could handle these things on his own, he always had, but since his dreams were filled with the lifeless bodies of his friends, it didn't hurt to have him there to remind him he was alive and well.

“It's okay,” Grantaire whispered, pressing a kiss to his hair.

That wasn't true, and Enjolras wanted to say so, but he didn't. He said nothing, only letting out a shaky exhale as he rode out the fear.

Vulnerability scared him, and the memories made it worse, but Grantaire helped. He had his friends to keep him preoccupied and happy during the day, and Grantaire was always there at night when the darkness brought out the memories. They were _alive_ , and they all had each other. As cold as Enjolras could be, sometimes, he truly did love his friends, and he knew they loved him. It would be hard, he knew, to recover, and the scars would always be there to remind him, but one day the worst would pass.

So he would learn to accept the scars, and he would push through the panic attacks, because one day it would be better. The guilt and the fear would fade, leaving only love behind.

He would struggle tonight, knowing that one day he wouldn’t have to anymore.

**Author's Note:**

> on tumblr @enjamras


End file.
